8/4/89
Author-Robleh Wais
She awakes each weekday to a neatly arranged
bedroom. After showering and adorning
herself, she thinks: he'll call soon.
She proceeds to languish and goes down the narrow staircase to her
kitchen. Then, she'll survey her day's
activities before making coffee. She has
to finish washing clothes, and drop off those letters.She looks out of the window and sees a
crystal clear morning with soft clouds on the horizon. She wonders about her life, and the changes,
its strange turn to an illicit affair with him.
Her mind drifts to her husband, she imagines he's hard at work at that
moment, while she, she is free with unlimited time to spend idle. She turns from the window, to see the coffee
is ready, and pours herself a cup. The
clock in the kitchen next to the refrigerator reads 9:30 exactly. He'll call in fifteen minutes, on his
coffee break, oh God I hope he's pleasant today.
5/28/87
It was such a short time ago, they met and embraced,
he thought. They had both been yearning
for these days to spend together. He
leaned back on the couch, took a cigarette out and lit it; the picture of her
firmly sketched in his memory. He
crossed his legs, and let his thoughts return to the previous weekend. He twisted on his couch trying remembering
the pleasure of it all.
She and he had constructed a plan for them meet that
very day. They had planned it
perfectly. For in fact she had decided
against traveling to the west coast, though he didn't know this. As he
understood it, they were to meet the next Thursday. He was to malinger at work on that day.She would take a half-day off. He would leave work early and they would
complete a tryst at a local shopping mall.
But, that was not to be. Their
passions were great and time was their enemy.
It stood between them, it made them wait and grow impatient. But, chance is unpredictable, sometimes
favoring and or misfortuning people. On
this day, it favored, though not as he would have expected. That afternoon, as they sat next to each
other at their desks, her husband called, and she talked to him in Togalog. He didn;t understand the language but guessed
from her tone of voice, it was not good news.
She completed the called and told him her husband was leaving for Sweden
in two weeks. She was irritated about
this turn of events. As the morning wore
on, she became uncertain about her plans to travel to the west coast with her
husband, Angelo. She cancelled their
tryst too, which irritated him.But,
can't we justNo, trust me Trea. They had whispered while the other girls were
on break. The day ended with a promise
to call him that evening and figure things out.
Sitting at home that evening, he wondered if she would
really see him, that Thursday. He never
knew with her, she was so damn mercurial!
He sat on the sofa, drinking Port wine, and occasionally reading a Greek
tragedy. The book was Oedipus: A Trilogy, by Sophocles, the Greek
philosopher. The phone rang. He jumped
up spilling his glass of wine and cursing the event. Picking up the phone, he heard her soft,
tender voice on the other end. She was
dining out with family and friends. He
wanted to tell her how much he looked forward to seeing her that Thursday, but
felt it would sound pretentious. She
told him about the place they were dining at.
He listened uninterested in the details.
He asked about her trip. Then she
said the words that set him aflame with delight: I'm not going. He said:
What? What do ya mean, you're not going? Well,
it's going to be silly for me to go there for a day. He instantly thought
of them together in his apartment, hugging and kissing, fucking, watching
videos, him massaging her small tan back with the mole below her left shoulder
blade, then getting below and tasting her thing. Her voice brought him back. Trea, look his conference is on Wednesday
and ends Thursday, why take me with him for one day. So, I decided to not go. He said, but,
Saloni I thought he was leaving Sunday and coming backYes
I know, you thought that but I was going to his sister's in Las Vegas and then
going to meet him in Los Angeles on Wednesday, oh it doesn't matter, I'm not
going okay. She said all this with
an irritated tone. Okay, okay darling
I won't question you, I'm not Sergeant Bevins, ya know? Though, I must inform you, you do have the right
to remain silent, any and all oh wait wrong speech! She giggled. Trea you're so funny! You wanna see me
Saturday? Of course Saloni, he intoned.
Good, I'll call you tomorrow, and let you know if I can get
away. You know his relatives are here.
Yes I know. Look darling don't do
anything risky for meShe cut him short againShut up, I know what I'm
doingthere was a pause and then she said in a licentious whisper: you wanna lick me down there honey?He
was instantly aroused, feeling a stiffening of his penis--Oh God yes, yes
yes I do!!, with each yes growing
louder.He heard background voices in
the distanceOh I gotta go honey, they got a table, call you tonight, it'll
be late okay? All right around 12, bye. The
phone clicked and he heard a dial tone.
He hung up feeling an instant sense of being alone and abandoned.There was no one to talk to after she'd hung
up. It was just his quiet apartment with the drone of his air-conditioner
across the living room. He picked up the
book again and scanned the words not really reading them. He fell back on the
couch with a sense of resignation to being alone that night.
8/14/88
She called him yesterday. She said she'd be back in
town earlier than he'd expected. He was
enthused by this news. They made plans to meet that Monday. Their voices were full of giggles and
emotional squeals like two love-crazed animals.
She asked what he'd done in the days since she'd left. He told her of going to work early Saturday
to set-up some new screens his supervisor had discovered were available. She listened politely, but not really
interested. They returned to their
future encounter. She said: we could
have a picnic like we did last time Trea?. Yeah, letslets do that kid. He asked about her ride down there. Was it hot?
Was she tired? She responded that
she was exhausted and yes it was hot.
Also, they had picked up her sister-in-law, in Chicago. And all of the stopping, talking and getting
in and out of the car at rest stops----woooo.
It had left her completely down, if he knew what she meant. He knew
for sure. So much so, that she couldn't
wait to come home. Come home to her
quiet, clean home and to well to her Trea. Though, he knew the last comment was directed
at his egomania, it felt pleasing to hear anyway. But, at that time their love was changing
now. There were fights between
them.They revolved mainly around their
arrangements to meet for sex. She told
him about the expense for motels in and out of town was becoming burdensome,
and worst yet, her husband was beginning to ask questions about how much gas
she was using to go shopping every weekend.
They argued about who was the blame for causing who anxieties like
these. But, the deeper undercurrent was one of dominance.Who would control whom? This is what lay at the bottom of their love
affair.
8/19/88
For the past week they'd fought vicious battles over next-to-nothing
incidents. She had begun to protest and allege her desire to part with
him. He would refuse and remind her that
she was the one that took up with him.
That she drew him in this adulterous affair not the other way
around.This she acknowledged and by the
same reasoning, she put it to Trea that she should have the right to end what
she started. To which, he retorted
(irrational even to himself) that she had no such right. That having started this thing she
should remain in it, until he agreed to leave off of his own accord.He knew this made no sense, but so deep was
his passion to have and possess, it didn't matter.
At home that evening, he wondered how to bring her
close to him again. He would wander his
living room floor ranting about his need to put a stop to her dominance over
him. He inveighed in long soliloquies
that she was destroying him emotionally.
She-she was turning him into a neurotic jellyfish! She wanted him, all right. But only as a subservient stud! But his thoughts would switch to another
image of her. It was one of tender cares
and gentle remembrances of her expressions of love. The exotic Filipino meals she'd labored hours
to make and bring him during their trysts.
The money she'd spent on clothes and appliances all for him. All of this done at risk of her of being
found out by her husband. These
recollections moved him and he became momentarily diffident.But this softening stance didn't last, his
pertinacious thought returned: she was wronging him and controlling him. Worst she was using him!He never would admit to himself any
wrongdoing on his part. He was the
victim of her damnable attraction and beauty.
What could he do about it?
In point of fact, they both were quite guilty of
inequities.A moralist would have had
much to decry in these two.They were
self-centered bodies that had fallen into each other's orbits and their own
narcissisms made them struggle against one another's attractions. She had
engaged in a sexual affair with him due to her loss of interest in her
workaholic husband, he had never satisfied her sexual desires. This fact she had confided to him from their
first kiss. One night at his apartment
while they necked, she had demanded the oddest thing.She had told him undress and show it to
her. he did as
told obediently. After a moment of
foundling it, she'd declared him worthy of her. He laughed in suppressed giggles as she
joined in.She had been no doubt
impressed with his intellectual abilities too, his erudition on diverse topics,
and his high-culture way of talking.
Through it all though, he had been a sexual object to her. What is worst, he was never meant to actually
replace her husband as a life partner.
She never saw him as someone to run off with and begin a new life. She foolishly, perhaps unconsciously believed
that the current state of affairs could go on indefinitely. And him?
He had initially enjoyed the role of being a kept man. It had served his irrepressible vanity
well. Her largesse was indeed
tremendous. He never had need of much
due to her continual giving. From
food, to households, to clothing and appliances she showered upon him. He needn't ask, she almost insisted on giving
him things. At one point, she had
considered moving him into an elegant 2-bedroom apartment unit in a 50-unit
building she and her husband owned in an upscale neighborhood.She was wondering how to keep his rent the
same as his current place, but dismissed the idea, as her husband frequently
was called to the structure to do repair work and the possibility of discovery
was just too great.Yes, he had it good
or so it seemed. It became clear to him
within time that all this splendid outpouring came at a price. He had to more or less agree to be at her
beck and call. He had strict rules of
behavior set up for him. He was to call
her every day after work before her husband arrived, and at night when he was
to wait patiently for her to call him around 11 pm. He was made to account for his whereabouts
down to the last details.She suspected
him of having a woman on the side regardless of his protest that no such
thing could ever happen. As her reins on
him became more constricting, he rebelled. They were destined to collide. He expected to control her, not the other way
around. One night before they had a
dramatic scene at work, the harbinger of its coming was set in
place. He was on the phone with her,
having answered her call at about 11 pm.
Unfortunately for him, he gotten drunk the previous night and missed her
call. She was angered by that event, and
now it was time to admonish him properly.
How come you didn't answer the phone last night? I
told you I'd call at 11:30 every night.
But, I told you I fell asleep?
Asleep huh, I bet you were drunk
I wasn't Look Saloni you gotta stop this. You're
insulting me. Do I do that to you? By the way, I can never be drunk which is the perfect past tense of to drink,
I can't be consumed as a liquid, now can I? What you mean is I was inebriated which I
wasn't.
She is momentarily amused
at his humorous feigned misunderstanding of her idiomatic usage of the work drunk
and giggles.
Very funny! Yeah I should stop what?Telling you when you're lying?
I'm not lying.
Oh yeah how come when I called your line was busy.
I told you I was talking to my brother in New Jersey.
Yeah, yeah Trea I know it was your other girlfriend.
Look, damn it! Wouldja stop
this, you know and I know there is no other girlfriend!
I don't know any such thing. You could be having some other black girl
over there whenever you want.
I'm telling you Saloni watch yourself. I'm not a toy soldier you can play with and
make do whatever you please.
Though in spite of this comment, he knew that's exactly what she could
do, and did do.
There was a long silence with short inhalations. He couldn't tell if she was inhaling a
cigarette or sobbing. He figured she was
smoking, no chance of her crying over this.
Saloni you there?
I'm here look Trea I'll forgive you this time, and if
what you say is true, don't let it happen again. When I call you, you should have the decency
to pick up. I'm taking the chance to call and you can't even be there. She said this in a plaintive whisper. In fact, the whole conversation had been in
whispers, as not to wake her husband sleeping in an adjoining room. He mentally noted how lucky for them, he and
she didn't sleep in the same rooms.
Oh honey don't say that, please can we forget it? He was
hoping to avoid that distasteful little thing she'd make him do.
Trea. I want you to promise me, promise me
I promise.
Promise what? He knew she wanted him to submiss to
her, and hated it.
I promise to answer when you call.
Yes, now say you're sorry.
Ahh, I'm sorry.
Good now bye honey, I'm going to sleep now.
This was a castigating catechism she would put him
through whenever he had transgressed one of her rules. It led him to feel a repressed resentment
toward her. A resentment that was
channeled into excessive drinking in the evenings or whenever he thought he
could get away with it. That is, not
have her detect he was drunk. When he
was sloshed he could let out this repressed growing dislike of her
domineering control over him. He could
call her names and say how he'd like to wring her neck sometimes. Treating him like a little schoolboy, the
nerve of this, this.
8/25/88
The inevitable collision came on a Monday after he'd
managed to get through her phone call that Sunday.He had listened for her call that night,
cursing having to do it. When she finally rang him, they spoke briefly, but she
was particularly tried and decided to end the call around 11:30.He in turn was fed up with her and this wait-for-my-call-thing.
He was so disgusted by it, that he opened a bottle of Port wine and drank
the entire bottle by 12 AM.The wine
made him sleep soundly, but he awoke feeling the effects of it the next
morning. Nevertheless, he came to work early as usual, never being hindered by
a night's indulgence in alcohol consumption.
Or so he told himself. However a
distinct odor of alcohol must've been present on his person, though he'd
gargled excessively and chewed 3 or 4 sticks of gum that morning before leaving
for work. He sat at his desk, furiously
typing calculation modules into his computer.
He felt sick, with a growling upset stomach from the thick, sweet, rich
wine he'd consumed the night before. His
head hurt and he felt his face flush with a kind of feverish heat. In addition to this, he was in an ill temper
and hardly spoke to anyone around him, including her, though she sat directly
across from him.He got up and went to
the bathroom through the rear door entrance at least twice. He surveyed himself in the mirror. His eyes
were reddened, his brown skin seemed a reddish hue, almost as if he was doing
what they did: blush. He popped 2
more sticks of gum in his mouth and returned to his desk. As the morning wore on, he could see her
casting disapproving glances toward his desk.
He tried to ask what was wrong by silently mouthing the words:
What's the matter?
She shook her head to and fro rapidly and focused on
her work, ignoring him.
A few minutes later, suddenly without warning she rose
from her desk and walked over to him.He
turned around from his computer to look up at her beautiful but stern face
glaring down at him. He knew she was
going say something chastising to him.
He felt his anger mounting with the thought that she'd do this here at
work. She leaned over and whispered in
his ear:
That was the last straw. He couldn't take this perceived insult, being
in this bad sort of way.
He whispered back his voice bristling with anger
She stood there for a brief moment with shock showing
in her eyes. She couldn't believe what
she'd just heard him say. Then it
happened. He saw it coming like a time
bomb about to detonate.The tears
flooding her eyes came in a gushing stream and she shrieked, turned and stormed
toward the rear entrance door leading to the parking lot. He knew she was heading for car and
home. Everyone in the department looked
around to witness the event. Of the 6
female workers in his department two, Denise and Ashley ran after her. Calling out to her: Saloni, Saloni what's the matter. They rushed after her intercepting her just
before she bolted for her car.
Meanwhile, he sat there thinking: I'm fucked now man. Why did I haveta go
and say that. Oh shit. He mused to
himself as he saw that little blond bitch Amber make for Ron's office (the HR
manager), well I won't have anything to clean out of my desk when he cans
me. Yes his coworker Amber was running
to spill the beans to their boss. In
minutes he thought this will all be over.
Little did he know, it would not be. No in fact they would work together for
another two years before it was all over, at least as coworker lovers.But, now in this commotion and general
disruption their scene had caused, he couldn't see anything but dismissal
coming.
Denise and Ashley came back soon afterwards,
announcing that Saloni wasn't feeling well and that's why she went home. Things calmed down. About an hour later, Ron called him on his
desk phone and asked to have a little talk with him.He knew what that meant. But it didn't mean that. Ron had no intentions of risking a lawsuit by
dismissing him. Ron Werzinski just
wanted to scare this arrogant gigolo as he had concluded he was since those two
started their office affair.
Saloni had driven home with tears still streaming down
her eyes. Why did he do that? What go into him? Who did he think he was? She thought about the last time they made
love and how he'd filled her up with himself so good and all those times he'd
read novels to her over the phone. Yes,
her Trea, her passion, her Trea. He was
going nuts, and becoming a drunk, or maybe he was using drugs now.no not my
Trea she said to herself while waiting for light to change on boulevard that
led to the freeway route she took home.
She took out a Merit menthol cigarette lit it with the car lighter and
sped off as the light changed. Why did
he act like that to her? Was he
nuts? She thought about his cultural
difference. He was the first Somali
she'd ever known.She really knew
nothing them.
9/12/88
He had survived this incident, but not without
consequences. Saloni
and he would have their desk situated 5 cubicles away from each other. They were given to understand that daily
lunching together was not appreciated. Trea felt deep disaffection with these impositions to their
affair. He spent evening mentally
fantasizing on how he'd castrate and murder Werzinski
human resources manager.
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