A Chain of Reasoning:
Existentialism and Purposelessness
When you are near death you might think: I knew I wasn't going to live forever. You look around at those whom might be standing over you, as you evanesce, and think: they too will soon die. You know they don't recognize it now, but this same final stage they too will experience. And from this you think: but, something will go on, won't it? The process of birth and death, of life itself will continue won't it? But then you realize that life on Earth is doomed to be eventually engulfed by the Sun. But, still life can reemerge elsewhere in the Universe? Then you realize that the Universe itself is destined to fall back in on itself and collapse into a point of infinite density. And if the forces of contraction continue the Universe will pass out of existence. That is, if the Standard Model of cosmology is right. You want to laugh at this revelation of the absolute temporality of all things, but the pain in your sides won't let you. So, you might think, lying in excruciating pain facing your certain end: what can be eternal? Is it change itself that is eternal? Will there always be some shift in whatever may exist? But here this is a question you can't fathom. Maybe there will be a time when nothing exists at all, not even space and time, and things will never change from that state again. In that case, the meaningless of anything ever having existed will be magnified 10 fold, or even more. Immediately you recognized that existence could be infinite too. Some form of something could always be. But you then remark: Yet, that would be as devoid of meaning as no form of anything ever existing. As you try to quell the intense searing burning in your gut, you further think, whether there is infinite existence or infinite nothingness it is all the same: It means nothing. It seems your crying sister and mother looking down at you in pity, can't see that it really means nothing that you're dying. Still, you want something to have some meaning, like your realizing there is no meaning should itself be meaningful. Why can't you, at this point, your last moments, stop this wanting to know: to know if existence is eternal or not, if there really is that fabled God, to know if existence is purposeful, to have some certain irrefutable knowledge of why you even lived, to escape this….ooo damn you think that almost got you. You see you're losing consciousness, words are not coming to your mind anymore…You want death to wait, you almost got it solved….
In the next few seconds you cough and your body is wracked with a supreme pain as you close your eyes and you expire. The doctor enters. He has waited long enough for the family to see the terminal patient. He walks over to your bed and looks at your eyes as they roll back in their sockets. He takes your pulse and frowns, then pronounces you are dead to your grieving relatives. They are all assembled around you, crying and touching your now lifeless body. Your mother begs the doctor to reassess. But, it's no use, you are really dead and the meaningless world continues....
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Ken Wais 10/12/10